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    How do I remove a stain from my carpet?

      You've got to treat the stain while it’s still wet. The first thing to do is blot up as much of the liquid as possible. You can use towels, Bounty paper towels, or best of all . . . a Pamper’s disposable diaper. They’re amazingly absorbent. Then pour some Canada Dry Club Soda on the stain, then blot up immediately. If the stain is still there (like red wine or grape juice), cover the stain with a thick pile of Morton Salt and let it sit for ten minutes or more. The salt will suck the stain out of the carpet. Then clean up the salt and vacuum. If the stain is still there by some miracle, use Barbasol shaving cream. Just a little dab, with a scrub brush and water. You may want to test an inconspicuous part of the carpeting to test for color fastness. Then soak with water and blot up thoroughly. If that doesn’t do the trick, nothing will. For more tips like this, see my book Joey Green’s Cleaning Magic, Joey Green’s Fix-It Magic, Clean It! Fix It! Eat It! or Joey Green’s Amazing Pet Cures.

    How do I keep cats and dogs out of my yard?

      My book Joey Green’s Gardening Magic features nine different methods on pages 39-40. For instance, mix four tablespoons Tabasco Pepper Sauce, one teaspoon McCormick Chili Powder, one-half teaspoon Ivory Dishwashing Liquid, and two cups water in a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle. Spray the solution around the perimeter of the yard. Cats and dogs have a keen sense of smell, and they’ll gladly go to someone else’s yard to avoid this pungent concoction. Of course, when it rains or snows, you’ll have to spray the yard again, but those animals will quickly change their habits.

    How do I get candle wax out of my carpet or table cloth?

      Cover the wax with a sheet of Bounty or Viva Paper Towel. Then set your iron on warm and iron the paper towel. The heat from the iron will melt the wax, the paper towel will absorb it. If a color is left in the carpet, repeat. If the color is still there, then try the above tricks for getting a stain out of your carpet. For more tips like this, see my books Joey Green’s Cleaning Magic, Joey Green’s Fix-It Magic, or Clean It! FIx It! Eat It!.

    How do I get rid of ants?

      If ants are getting into your home from the outside, the solution is a piece of white Crayola Chalk. Ants will not cross a thick chalk line, so simply make a thick chalk line on your outside walls around doors and windows.
      Inside the house, you can kill ants by simply putting a teaspoon of Dawn Dishwashing Liquid in a sixteen-ounce trigger spray bottle, filling the rest of the bottle with water, shaking well, then spraying the ants with soapy solution. The soap dries up the ants and they die as soon as you spray them. The solution is non-toxic, so you just clean up with a sponge. If you want to go completely environmental, instead of Dawn Dishwashing Liquid, use Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Oil Soap (available at many grocery stores and most health food stores). It’s biodegradable and non-toxic.
      If you want to prevent ants from getting inside, use DAP caulk to caulk up the holes where ants get into the house.

    How do I get rid of lice from my kid’s head without using poisons?

    How do I get bugs off the hood of my car?

      Before you go on your next trip, spray the hood of your car with a light coat of WD-40. When you get back from your trip, the bugs will wipe right off. You can also ball up a used pair of L’eggs Sheer Energy panty hose and wipe down the hood. The nylon is a mild abrasive, so it does a great job removing bugs from the hood without scratching the finish. If you’re on the road and you get dead bugs all over the windshield, just pull over to a gas station and pour a can of Coca-Cola on the windshield. It cuts through all the grime and insects right off (just don’t get any on the paint job). You can also use Canada Dry Club Soda to do the same thing. For more tips like this, see my books Joey Green’s Cleaning Magic, Joey Green’s Fix-It Magic, or Clean It! Fix It! Eat It!.

    What can I use to clean the tarnish from copper pots and pans?

    How do I get the smell of cat or dog urine out of my carpet?

    How do I get rid of gophers of moles?

      Fill the holes to the tunnels with used (yes, used) Tidy Cats cat box litter. The gophers or moles smell the scent of their natural enemy and tunnel into someone else’s yard. Or add one-half cup Castor Oil (available at the drug store) to two gallons of water, and drench the tunnels or mole hills with the liquid. My book, Joey Green’s Gardening Magic, features nine different methods for getting rid of gophers or moles.

    Why do you recommend brand-name products? Won’t generic brands work just as well?

      These are the products that we all have in our homes—in the kitchen, in the medicine cabinet, in the workshop. They’re the products we all know and love. I wanted to know what else I could do with Coca-Cola besides drink it. You’re more than welcome to use a generic brand if you want, but these are the products I’ve personally tested. Coca-Cola cleans a toilet. Will Pepsi? Try it and let me know.


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